Keeping on Task

My Journey has taught me so far...

How to scrape every penny out of every crevice in my life, and simultaneously be as generous as I can possibly be. As I embarked on this journey, I planned out everything pretty well, and had enough money saved up to make it happen, for the most part. I knew there were things I hadn't yet bought, like lumber, which I would need to figure out a way to get. I think there are so many people out there that are afraid to talk about money. Well, I am not one of them. This whole journey has been one of hard work, self discovery, and budgeting and magnetism. I can not tell you the number of times I have had not one dollar available to spend and somehow everything worked out for myself and my kids. Granted, I will be bringing my parents gifts of food for the next year + to make up for all the food we have eaten while we have been living here, only a month or two, but still! And my kids go to a private school, which I am behind on paying for (working on it), and I am building a house without being in debt... its magic, I swear! Every spare dollar I get, I go buy a 2x6 or a 4x4 with... Ha! I have used a lot of reclaimed lumber, and everything I have purchased for my house it used, for the most part. Used windows, all of them! Used sinks, used flooring, used tile, used doors, used wiring and eventually switches and light fixtures and used material from traveling to tile the bathroom. Im going to make my own toilet!!
One of the coolest things that happened was in the first few weeks of this journey, when I found a trailer distributor, and the trailer I wanted. I made a down payment, knowing that I would need to come up with like $6000 on the fly in like 6 weeks time. I made the deposit having no idea how I would make the rest of the money. And, when they called and said the trailer was ready for pick up, I had to have the rest! Well, somehow, I scraped up every penny I needed, just in the knick of time. I even succeeded with an ex demanding money from me just to be mean, and I paid it to him, just to be nice.
I have learned so much about money from this experience, and the power of positive thinking. I have noticed when I focus on the lack of money that I have, I end up having no money. But, when I focus on having money and just operate like its there (not over spending) but just in my mind, knowing it is there, it appears, out of the most unusual places, and from some very usual places. Its like magic, or like the powers of the universe that govern us all.
Through this time,  I have also given a business away. I was really hoping to make some money off of this business I had poured my heart into for the last two years, sending out every order and preparing all of the products, with very little help from my business partner. I single handedly sent out in one month $3000 worth of orders (a lot for a small business) and simultaneously cut over 300 lavender bouquets and hung them all up to dry in my living room, while taking care of two kids by myself and working full time at another job. But, when push came to shove and my business partner and I were trying to go our separate ways, it resulted in me handing over the business for no profit, not even the money I put in. I am a generous person, I guess. Money is a trivial thing in this life, although it can make things much easier in some ways.
What I am getting at is where my heart and soul lie. I am determined to live a better life. One free of the greedy people I have once consumed my life with. If it takes gifting a business to someone so I can be free of their destructive vibrations, than that is what I will do. If it takes humbling myself and living with my parents to get my goals accomplished, (we are having a great time btw) I will do that too. If it takes giving up all forms of shopping, eating out, enjoying extra activities, I will do that to. And I will be creative in entertaining my kids, in a free mode, which they have almost become accustomed to. There is no length I will not go to accomplish my dreams; of financial independence, of a simpler life, of love and compassion and care of those around me and those I encounter, of being free of the restraints others try to put on me. I choose to be wild and free for a reason, it is a setting in which I can be me. Fully. Unappoligetically. I am going to live my life for me. And, I am going to teach my children to do the same. Don't take the guilt that others try to put on you, because they are unhappy with their lot and want you to succeed less. Live life for you, and no one else. Dont apologize for who you are or what you want. Be brave. Do what you want. Care less about what everyone around you thinks. Listen to your heart kid, and you'll never go wrong.