Monday, February 29, 2016


Priorities in Life

As I have said before on my blog, this is all for these two right here. A better life for them. A better childhood. A better way of going through the world than before this journey began. As I was figuring out my path was not as I sensed it should be, I began to change my life. It was over a year ago I decided to change my vibrations, my direction and my results. I jumped head first into counseling to try and right some patterns that I had been seeing in my life. To better understand who I am and where I have come from. Counseling turning into changes, and calming assurances that I was headed in the right direction. The things in my life that were right started to get more right, and the things in my life that were wrong started to get more wrong. A friend told me about saturn return, it had been starting for me about 10 months before I turned 30. Look it up, its interesting. If your life isn't on the right path, you are pulled from the universe, the tide, the moon, the sun, those around you, and who knows what else. You are pulled onto the right path in life. If you fight it, it can be another 30 years before the planets align the same way again, and you feel that pull. I felt it strong. Towards the end of my experience with a mentor helping me work through my self worth, my childhood influence and my deep rooted desire to share my life with someone who really truly sees me for exactly the person I am, and who I have the potential to become - I started to make changes in my life. I started to make big changes. I began a long excruciating, sad and upsetting break up with a man I promised to marry. I quit the job where I made awesome money, had a great time, loved the people around me, but wasn't growing from anymore. I began developing a relationship with my boys father, who I had been married to for 7 years, and divorced from for almost 5. He simultaneously decided to move 1600 miles closer to his kids. I made the decision to build a tiny house. I walked in off the street to an awesome private school and that resulted in their enrollment very quickly and a whole new network of people in our lives. I chose to begin the journey of figuring out what I want, and to begin attracting that. 

We made a lot of changes, very quickly. I turned 30, began work on my tiny home shortly after. We became surrounded by wonderful loving kind family and friends, a lot of whom we have known less than a year, and feel as intricately a part of our lives as friends we have known a long time. My children are learning and growing an exponential amount because of their new environment of love and acceptance. They love their school. They love having their Dad and his loving girlfriend close. They love more and more every day, because their Mom is happy and on the right path. They see me living my life in alignment with my own happiness. They see me creating a lifes work, and a passion for the things I am doing in my life, and the people I encounter. They learn from that. They absorb it like a sponge. The vibration around them is higher than it has ever been, and I see their vibrations changing to, and lifting up. 

I feel seen. I feel loved. I can now see the beauty in myself and I can more fully love myself when I do what feeds my soul, and spend my time helping others because there is no drama or unease at home. Everything is in alignment, and the feeling is euphoric. Two days ago there was a fund raising event for the kids school, five acre. All of the parents and teachers put a lot of work into that even to raise money for our kids to enjoy a top notch education. It had been quite a build up. We were at it for weeks collecting donations, planning, planning and more planning. And then came the event. It was beautiful. It was fun. There were so many smiles I thought it possible for peoples faces to break. There were so many wonderful familiar faces. So many hugs. So much happiness in the air, most especially for the children. 

What was so beautiful about it for me, was unity. Everyone coming together for a beautiful cause; the children. Its all for the children. My children's Dad came, and his girlfriend (who we all love to pieces) and it was a magical experience. I gave thanks that day many times over. The kids ran around and found their Dad, found me, found Carrie and found Jason and we all came together more than once and rejoiced in the happiness of those boys. They were flying free. Being loved from all angles. There was no judgement no animosity no upset no anger no selfishness no negative in sight. I am blessed beyond words. This journey has taught me so many things. But, one very important thing is what the little people who follow you around all day are learning from you. 

I have raised my children with a goal in mind, with a hope, that they will never have to heal from their childhood. That they are surrounded by so much love, that they have no where to go but up. They can be examples to the kids around them. They can choose to live their life exactly as they choose because there is no drama to distract them. Two days ago, everything came together. Those boys are the future of this world. All of our children are. And if they can feel love, pure, free, wild untethered love - the possibilities for them are without boundaries. 

Please don't underestimate the power of love. Love can heal all wounds. Love can bring two people that could no longer stay married to one another together to raise the beautiful children they once created in love. Love brings those new partners in that can see the whole picture and encourage everyone to work as a team, for one cause. Love can bring a friends daughter back into their life after a year of absence. Love is a most powerful tool. A new friend taught me a  thought the other day that keeps coming back to me, "Good always wins over evil." Endure whatever your current state may be, but push forward in love. See the love around you, acknowledge it, welcome it, share gratitude and it will become more abundant. It is all forward moving from here. Love surrounds us, welcome it in. <3 

Thursday, February 25, 2016

People Come and People Go

On this journey, I have encountered people who are afraid of my light. Their instincts are to shy away from me altogether, or try and shoot me down to make themselves feel better, or even attempt to change me. These people don't usually last long in my world. They are bewildered how I continue having such wonderful "luck" and doors open for me, my path is clear and my heart is light. My jovial personality throws them for a loop. They can't make logical sense of why I am continually happy every single day. Then before you know it, "who I am" affects them, and they allow their emotions to rule their day, and their month and their entire world. Emotions are simply our inner beings way of communicating with us. They are saying, what you are thinking of right now isn't in alignment with what you want. Take the messages that come to you, and let it flow down the river. We are not meant to become hung up on our feelings. Someone wise whom I once spent a lot of time with taught me this valuable lesson. Once I finally got the hang of it, it changed my whole life.
We can't control those around us. We can't teach them lessons they need to learn on our time frame, heck, they may not ever learn them. But, if they do, it has to come in their timing, and of their choosing. A release of power and control has to take place. I have to constantly release those around me. I try to hold on to people. Not physically. LOL But, I love people so fiercely, when it is time for them to move along in my life, it's hard for me to let them go. I am being taught this idea in life, over and over it seems. People come and go. Its best to let them.
I am sitting here on this beautiful day, basking in the sun after working all day on my roof. The sun warms my skin and warms my heart. It subtly changes me. And, I allow it to. In my own life, I do my best to be as warm as the sun. I give my heart everywhere I go, in everything I do. I am putting my heart into this home. I put my heart into my children every day. I do my best to put my heart into every relationship I feed. But, I am not perfect. Although you can't see any flaws in the sun, her strength, light and pure intensity distracts from finding any visible discrepancies. Focus on the good, and you see the good. Don't mistake someone's intensity in one direction as a lack of attention to another. We all get to make our lives whatever we want them to be. The trick is allowing those around you to be exactly who they are without judgement.
So, I release all the people. I allow the energy around me to flow like a river. People come, people go. We all know whats best for ourselves if we listen to our intuition. I have come to know mine quite well on my journey, and I don't ever question it. Is there anyone in your life you seem to be fighting to keep? Are we letting our close friends and loved ones be exactly themselves? It's okay to see the potential in someone and love them for who they are now. Don't try to change me, and I won't try to change you.

Monday, February 22, 2016

DNA Strands

I'm not perfect. I have spent way more time connecting with people this week instead of work on my house... And instead of cleaning my car out, I connected with people. And, when I knew I should be doing something to further my life, I was busy connecting with people. Whoops! As I have said many times before, this blog is less about building a tiny house according to details and specs etc, and more about building a tiny house and the way that I am changed in the process.
It is so refreshing living my life in a way that betters myself and those around me. It took me giving up things and letting people go and saying goodbye to my ego forever. When all these changes happen, beauty becomes abundant. There is light around every corner, and color popping up where you thought were just shades of grey and black and white. Gratitude becomes a way of moving about, instead of words coming out of your mouth. Love fuels every move, and is underlying your every intention. When you come to alignment of who you are and who you were meant to be, its not thought that makes you serve those around you, its your next breath. It flows like walking. You see an opportunity to brighten someones day, and before you know it you are digging two fifties out of your pocket and handing them over to someone who needs them far more than you do, disguised by a little chocolate bar.
When you make the efforts in your life to live for more than yourself, opportunities present themselves to help you on that path. They are always there. Its the way of the universe. Learning to love yourself is the doorway to moving through the world in such a way that everyone is better after encountering you. When the universe puts opportunities in your pathway to help others, you don't think twice, its just part of your movement through this world.
The amount of gratitude I feel for these moments in bringing light to anyone put on my path is beyond any words I can use in this language to express. To feel the heart of another be lifted in your presence is a love unnamed. Living my life in a way that I can continue to experience these glimpses is my constant goal.
"It's kind of hard to love life and love yourself and have lots of fun when you don't have self-worth hormones, and right now your bodies don't have them. You have to want them in order to make them. You see your DNA is a double-helix, a twisted ladder of nodules. There are three strands that must be together in order to make you love life, love yourself, and feel good. If these three are in place, you have self-worth, you have love. You also have to put life into this body and it will keep on living even if you leave it and put it in the grave. So these hormones or strands in your DNA were not given to the body, because it would be a cruel things to do to it until you yourself wanted to live. It was put into motion that when you love yourself enough, you would grow them." - excerpt from Joy Riding the Universe by Sheradon Bryce
This journey I'm on, in transforming my life, and the life of my children, is bringing me to this very beautiful place of love and self-worth, and look at how love is growing all around. If you aren't on this path, please join me. Ask yourself, why would you want to BE without loving yourself, feeling good and loving life?

Monday, February 15, 2016

Lovely Life

Lovely Life

I have been working my tail off on the roof. With the four dedicated days a week I try and work on it, I was able to get the roof rafters in, it all sheathed, the sky lights framed in and cut out, and the whole roof papered... The next step will be metal roofing, flashing sky lights and getting them in. Once I get the roof done I can move on to covering the walls and putting the windows in. How exciting!!! In case any of you wondered who my valentine is this year, it was my house. :) I have been very fortunate to spend time with lovely friends lately, but at the end of the day, when my kids are off visiting their Dad, I am devoting my time attention and love to my home, it's so romantic. 

On Sunday, I had planned to climb a mountain, but instead I hopped a ride with a friend out to the coast. When someone has a dream, sometimes you just go with it... :) The ocean always calls me. It has been so nice to be disconnected lately. Still without a phone for now...

At any rate, I have enjoyed being present with people around me. Working hard on my house, without the distraction of a phone to slow me down and take me off task. I have had very few pictures of the building process in the last few weeks. My Mom has taken a few pictures that I got off her phone, yay! Thanks Mom!
I got the opportunity to get out to Port Townsend twice last week to collect some things for my house... I got a few port holes and a captains wheel for the kids room, some hinges, and some great ideas. We got some of the things at a marine exchange there, it is a store front down in the ship yard area where are the boats are being repaired. People just donate all of the ship stuff to them, and some guys sells the stuff. Nice business, eh? Anyway, the kids had a great time looking around at all the boats in dry dock. One old wooden ship was being repaired, and we watched the guy pound cotton in the cracks with a chisel, and he came and talked to us and educate us on some of the process. It was great, and very educational for the kids. We live in a place with lots and lots of water around, the ocean, the straights, rivers, lakes, canals... and we love boats.

Also, while I was adventuring out at the ocean I stumbled on an abandoned ranger station that had been pretty trashed and had lots of junk laying around. I walked through the house and found a nice camping pot, a few pulleys, a colorful crab trap float and a few round floats. Since it was only a day hike, I tied it all up on some rope and drug it out of there. I thought it would be fun to put a counter weighted pulley system going down from the boys loft with a float.

It is always nice to feel the energy of the ocean. I allowed it to flow through me and cleanse out some stagnant energy. After living away from the ocean back in college for 8 years, I have a lot of gratitude having the ocean so close. I really missed it during that time in my life, even though I lived on a lake.

There is a very rhythmic powerful pull and push that you can enjoy from the ocean, that not too many other things in life can offer. Its an opportunity to reset, to love where you are, and to appreciate the loving kind people around you. I haven't spent a lot of time single in my life, and I must say I am loving it. I have been so fortunate to have partners come and go that I have loved so much, and learned so much from. I also spend a lot of my time mothering and taking care of two sweet little boys. Having weekends free now has allowed time to be me, to work, to build my house, and to do things that really feed my soul. Being in nature, hiking, sitting at the ocean, beach combing, being around people that lift me up are what carry me through a fast paced week. 

Thanks to kind friends that have invited me out to golf, to shows, to dinner and dancing, fund raising events, dedicated songs to me ;);), gone on drives to the ferry with me, attending building expos, love my kids like their own while I work, driving around looking for things for my house, ocean trips, playing darts n pool, and lots of general adventuring... who needs valentines day when you appreciate having wonderful people in your life everyday? Cheers to great friends. And to continuing to work my ass of on this house. It's all coming together.

Monday, February 8, 2016

Super Human Strength

Imagine a roof in this photo... 

Some of my readers know I have been without a phone for several weeks... Some of my friends and family want to rip my face off because its annoying as hell to try and get a hold of me. Personally, I am loving it! A wonderful new friend of mine gave me a phone to use, but I have been putting off hooking it up to service. I am simply loving the feeling of being disconnected from constant contact. Those who know me well, know where to find me. Others, message me where I can respond within a few days. One downside is I haven't been getting pictures of my progress on the house. Since this last photo, I have added the second top plate, all the roof rafters, the facia, and all the plywood accept a small strip I need to measure, cut and nail in place. I also floored the boys loft this evening. 

Let me tell you about my day. I spent the entire day, after a pit stop at the beach following my morning school drop off, nailing up facia to my roof rafters. For those of you who don't know what facia is; look it up. For those of you that do, welcome back after looking it up... I used some grey reclaimed barn wood cut against the grain that was given to us by Nick's kindergarten teacher and her family. It was such a loving kind gift, and I was so happy to use it today and instal it on the house. It is officially the first piece of the house that won't be covered up. Everything else so far that I have built will be covered up. 

After finishing my facia, I did another school run, and then picked up some plywood for my roof. My Dad scored some beautiful cedar tongued plywood from PenPly (a local mill) before they shut down, and was gracious enough to let me use it on my home. It is going to save me so much money, Ill be owing him favors for a long time! Grass mowing for eternity? I guess its worth it. Any who, my friend helped me load up about 9.5 sheets in my trusty beater of a truck and the boys started in on some roller hockey while I worked. I lifted 8 sheets up onto the roof by myself. Let me share some insight with you all. Im a stubborn fuck. Sorry for the language Mom... I know she reads this sometimes, because last week she asked me why I was feeding all my friends soup on the 

So... I am so stubborn I built the entire roof myself. I had friends offer to help, and even want to help. But, I felt that I needed to go at it alone. And, I said to someone the other day, its not like I can do it all alone... its not like I can hand a sheet of plywood up to myself. Well, I have proven myself wrong. I can do that. It wasn't too hard, just heavy. It was a great workout. Each sheet is probably at least 30 pounds, and I lifted each one up the latter 13 feet and onto the roof. Bam! Then as the sun set, I began laying them out, fitting the tongues together and nailing them mostly complete, and got all eight nailed down, most of the way (the circumference mostly.) There was minimal grunting. 

At around 7:30, Nick found me a head lamp and I decided to cover their loft too. After finishing that, I invited them up there and told them it was their room! We then talked about a ladder or stairs or a cat walk or sliding ladder - still trying to figure that part out. I was able to see the stars so bright when I was up on the roof. I cherish the clarity of the country. I could see so many constellations, and probably planets, who knows... I was able to be still and imagine climbing out the sky light in my loft and laying on my roof to enjoy the night sky, without a care in the world. I can't wait! Actually, I don't have to, maybe Ill head out there right now. 

It sure feels fantastic to build a roof over my families head. This is a magnificent labor of love. And, I must love my family a hell of a lot, because I felt super human with all the work that I accomplished today. To finish off such a wonderful day, I fed the boys the rest of my weekend soup, made them a fresh smoothy with frozen bananas pineapple and peaches that were all preserved from the warmer weather, and fresh lemon poppyseed almond muffins. Take that Martha Stewart. 

Monday, February 1, 2016

The Roof is on Fire

In moments of waiting, I have been pressing forward. As far as my house goes, I have been drilling holes in my framing for the electrical and water tubes to go thru. I was filling my time with extra odd jobs to make some extra money to buy lumber. I am so close! Not much lumber left to acquire, just the 2x6s for the roof, some sheathing for the roof, and then the metal roofing. But, I was stuck in a holding pattern... until I had a very kind generous friend donate $27 to my cause. I had all but forgotten about my Go Fund Me link, as I have not really been pushing it, just having it there "in case." This same kind generous friend then went to some of his kind generous friends and asked them to donate $27. And I am sitting here typing this post feeling so grateful for kind people in the world. I was able to go buy all the lumber for my roof today and got 5 rafters notched out and installed, even though I am sicker than a dog. Thank you to those people who donated to this tiny house adventure, we are grateful beyond measure, and were pretty speechless than we didnt even know 11/13 of them that donated. Thank you!!!!
I believe in karma. I teach my children about karma, and they know it well. Depending on how you believe, karma can be instant. I believe it is more often then not, fairly quick. Throughout this entire journey, I have felt so blessed by the people we have encountered, and the help we have received and the love that those around us have shown. This kind dear friend of mine also reminded me of something I was forgetting. I had forgotten my goal in all of this. Its obvious I am doing this as a place to live, and a home for my children, and no financial burdens of a typical home, but all the wonderful benefits of one.... but beyond all of those reasons is a deeper reason that I have held in my heart and not really shared. I seek to free myself up, to give more of myself. As I have been on my own personal journey, I have realized that I feel most happy when I am giving. I am trying pretty hard to give too much right now, and have to keep myself in check constantly. Reminding myself that this goal will get me there. I give so much I run myself into the ground.
It is so important to have balance. Cant you tell I am a Libra?? ha! I seek to balance taking care of myself with giving of myself. When I get this house done, I want to give all I can. I want to give advice. I want to teach people things. I want to give service. I want to make good food and share it. Have any of you readers had my weekend soup? Those close to me know what I mean... It has become a small challenge of mine to see how many people I can share my weekend soup with. I travel with my soup pot every weekend (it has been cold enough here that is stays good in my car) and I see how many people I can feed off of that one pot of soup. Last weekend was 9+ people. I make it on Wednesday and take it with me to work/friends/projects/mastermind meetings/house building/parties all weekend until its gone. Its good hearty soup, with brown rice, beans, vegetables, turkey stock, lentils and whatever else I can find in my Moms fridge to put in it.
When our home is complete: I want to travel to foreign countries and open peoples minds to love. I want to take my kids traveling and open their eyes to the way other people live, and think. I want to build houses in Mexico, and teach children in Africa and make jewelry on beaches all over the world and give it away just to make someone's day. I want to go to India and see what's so cool over there! My intentions are to give as much as I can, and then more. I want to help people heal, physically, emotionally and in any other way they may need to. I want to continually write, because you never know how your words may influence someone.
I want to ask you, as the reader to take just a moment and focus on your heart space. Do you know where that is? It is the dead center of your chest. Take just a moment and think of something you love the most in the world. Feel the love for that person or object or experience right there in you heart space. Concentrate on it. Feel it grow. Harness it. Feel it build in intensity and heat.... Now send it away to someone you love. Send it to someone you think might need a little boost. No matter how near or far they are from you, imagine them receiving it. Distance and space don't hinder this one bit. You have given something very powerful. We don't have to have a lot to give. It's amazing how $27 can change someone's day, or week or year. I challenge you all to give of yourselves. If you can't give a meal to someone that is hungry, or a ride to a hitchhiker, or a hug for someone who is having a hard day, then get into your heart space and send some love... to anyone. And then, watch it come back around to you.