Tuesday, January 26, 2016

Its the calm before the storm...

At this point, I have hit rock bottom financially. Don't worry! It's a good story... I am sitting in the Starbucks while my kids are at school (a private school I am behind on paying for), my occasional Tuesday job doesn't have enough work to pay me to come in today, my other job that I started wants me to jump through all kinds of hoops to get paid, so that is taking a while, my third job that I fill in at should be paying me via direct deposit any day for filling in one day almost two weeks ago, my fourth stream of income I deposited a check I was handed from an angel today, but my account is over drawn $13 and I deposited it, but it is processing so I couldn't pay for the hot tea I just ordered so I could sit in this starbucks and use the internet to write a blog post... AND my gigantic tax return is in the mail... AND this is the longest run on sentence in history.  I am so beyond grateful to be sitting here. Alive. Healthy. Happy as a clam. Maybe I should be embarrassed? I don't know... I might sit here until my deposit goes thru so I can pay for my hot tea. But I am so stoked on life I can barely sit here still. I keep looking around me, I am surrounded by old people, because I live in a retirement community, playing cribbage, talking about their fixed income and dentures.

I am so stoked on life because it can only get better from here. There is no possible way to go down! At least financially. HA! It is so interesting and different for me to look at any negative in my life. I see it, but then, I focus on why this is happening? What have I to learn?

I saw someone today that has always been a big part of my life. Someone in her family has been a key person in my life since I was possibly 10. Now, not one of them is. In fact, they have in a way disowned me, or so it feels to me. I don't blame them. I made choices that didn't involve them. But, where I am going with this, is that I saw her today. I wasn't really ready to see her, so what do I have to learn? I need to forgive, I think. I need to forgive myself. It was okay to chose a path for myself without considering everyone else, like was accustomed for me. I need to move forward. But, not without acknowledging where I have come from. It is easy to sit here and panic that I can't pay for a hot tea. The sweet lady behind the counter told me not to worry about it. But... I will pay for what I have asked for.

I could have easily asked two friends that I have seen here to pay for my tea. I could have walked the easy road. I could have stayed comfortable, worked the job where I made loads of money but wasn't growing anymore. I could have stayed with the man I agreed to marry and traveled around with him, but I wouldn't have learned these lessons for myself. It was important to notice the destructive patterns and consciously decide I would be no part of them anymore. It was time for me to grow.

I could have chickened out in this whole journey and given up when it got tough. But, I am a different person now than I was before I made some tough decisions. I am aware. I am awake. The things I am learning and the path I am on is one I chose. I choose to be in a different space than where I have been the last 20 years. I have learned so many things from this journey, I can hardly contain or remember it all. My mind is full of thoughts, my arms are full of books, and my heart is filled with people. My path to transformation is leading me down a road of simplicity, detachment, learning, loving, and a shit ton of hard work. But, I am moving forward. I may not have one dollar in my pocket (I have 3 but left them at home) but I feel accomplished and rich with knowledge and love. Love powers the universe and all of the energy that surrounds us, its the life force and the battery I choose to run off of. Money may make the world go around, but its also just paper. Without money, there is still hot tea. There are still people to love. There goes one more person I could have asked to pay for my tea. But, I need to go at this alone.

At lease I got the "bring your own cup" discount. As I am flying with my projects and with my love for life, learning and the people I encounter I give thanks for the people who got me where I am. I am so fortunate they have loved me, even if they no longer do. And, I will continue to love every person I encounter with the hopes of sending enough love around the world to get back to the people who gave it to me. One big circle. But, this journey I had to go at alone. I will have built this tiny house with my own two hands and done it without any debt. In this last sentence I have figured out what my lesson was, what the hell was I doing buying hot tea? I should have been buying a 2x6.

Tuesday, January 12, 2016

Keeping on Task

My Journey has taught me so far...

How to scrape every penny out of every crevice in my life, and simultaneously be as generous as I can possibly be. As I embarked on this journey, I planned out everything pretty well, and had enough money saved up to make it happen, for the most part. I knew there were things I hadn't yet bought, like lumber, which I would need to figure out a way to get. I think there are so many people out there that are afraid to talk about money. Well, I am not one of them. This whole journey has been one of hard work, self discovery, and budgeting and magnetism. I can not tell you the number of times I have had not one dollar available to spend and somehow everything worked out for myself and my kids. Granted, I will be bringing my parents gifts of food for the next year + to make up for all the food we have eaten while we have been living here, only a month or two, but still! And my kids go to a private school, which I am behind on paying for (working on it), and I am building a house without being in debt... its magic, I swear! Every spare dollar I get, I go buy a 2x6 or a 4x4 with... Ha! I have used a lot of reclaimed lumber, and everything I have purchased for my house it used, for the most part. Used windows, all of them! Used sinks, used flooring, used tile, used doors, used wiring and eventually switches and light fixtures and used material from traveling to tile the bathroom. Im going to make my own toilet!!
One of the coolest things that happened was in the first few weeks of this journey, when I found a trailer distributor, and the trailer I wanted. I made a down payment, knowing that I would need to come up with like $6000 on the fly in like 6 weeks time. I made the deposit having no idea how I would make the rest of the money. And, when they called and said the trailer was ready for pick up, I had to have the rest! Well, somehow, I scraped up every penny I needed, just in the knick of time. I even succeeded with an ex demanding money from me just to be mean, and I paid it to him, just to be nice.
I have learned so much about money from this experience, and the power of positive thinking. I have noticed when I focus on the lack of money that I have, I end up having no money. But, when I focus on having money and just operate like its there (not over spending) but just in my mind, knowing it is there, it appears, out of the most unusual places, and from some very usual places. Its like magic, or like the powers of the universe that govern us all.
Through this time,  I have also given a business away. I was really hoping to make some money off of this business I had poured my heart into for the last two years, sending out every order and preparing all of the products, with very little help from my business partner. I single handedly sent out in one month $3000 worth of orders (a lot for a small business) and simultaneously cut over 300 lavender bouquets and hung them all up to dry in my living room, while taking care of two kids by myself and working full time at another job. But, when push came to shove and my business partner and I were trying to go our separate ways, it resulted in me handing over the business for no profit, not even the money I put in. I am a generous person, I guess. Money is a trivial thing in this life, although it can make things much easier in some ways.
What I am getting at is where my heart and soul lie. I am determined to live a better life. One free of the greedy people I have once consumed my life with. If it takes gifting a business to someone so I can be free of their destructive vibrations, than that is what I will do. If it takes humbling myself and living with my parents to get my goals accomplished, (we are having a great time btw) I will do that too. If it takes giving up all forms of shopping, eating out, enjoying extra activities, I will do that to. And I will be creative in entertaining my kids, in a free mode, which they have almost become accustomed to. There is no length I will not go to accomplish my dreams; of financial independence, of a simpler life, of love and compassion and care of those around me and those I encounter, of being free of the restraints others try to put on me. I choose to be wild and free for a reason, it is a setting in which I can be me. Fully. Unappoligetically. I am going to live my life for me. And, I am going to teach my children to do the same. Don't take the guilt that others try to put on you, because they are unhappy with their lot and want you to succeed less. Live life for you, and no one else. Dont apologize for who you are or what you want. Be brave. Do what you want. Care less about what everyone around you thinks. Listen to your heart kid, and you'll never go wrong.

Sunday, January 3, 2016

Our House is a Very Very Very Fine House

These are all the people that made this wall raising party possible. This house is more or less a community effort, a family effort. This small community is my family. I am so lucky to have these people in my life, supporting me and my kids. My brother and sister and their families have helped so much, taking my kids to play and helping me load wood and lift stuff and give me the wood laying around their yards. LOL And my uncle lending me his nail gun and his knowledge of building and my great friends Matt and Jenna and their family being there for me in so many ways, letting me crash at their house whenever I don't feel like driving back to mine, and being awesome cool friends... This whole post is a run on sentence, so get over it. :) 
I need to acknowledge all the people who have helped me with this project, without them, it would be hard to imagine succeeding. And, who would I celebrate with if they weren't here for the journey? And, very special friends that prefer not to be mentioned or photographed, I must also thank, for so much help, and teaching, and demonstrating, and friendship, and breaks on the water when we have been building for days... Thank you! 

And these two little boys, thank you for trusting your Momma to know whats best for us. Thanks for your patience through transitions and your loving energy in this exciting journey we are on together. Us three against the world, sure love you boys!  
And, just look at my butt in these pants... A christmas gift from a special friend... not the butt, the pants. 

And, none of this would be possible without my sweet parents, who have let my boys and I camp out in their basement and eat their food while we build our little house. Thanks guys!!! :):)